Need a new perspective? Internet Patti welcomes all questions!

Anonymous asked: What's the most money you've ever had at once?

Honestly, all of the money I’ve ever had has been spoken for by student loans, rent, bills, credit card payments, etc… so I’m going to have to say none of that was ever mine, and still isn’t. Waiting for that day!

Anonymous asked: Is 28 years old, too old to learn how to skate? What do you think of people that stretch their ears out? I think that 2nd question might've been asked already, I don't remember...

No! It would have been easier if you had started when you were younger but you can still learn! Stop wasting time! You can learn today! I don’t think of people that stretch their ears out very often, but it’s not that cool to me. I would never do it. That’s just me though, everyone’s different and I like it when people dress how they want to dress!!

Anonymous asked: Does it make me a horrible person that I wiped my butt with the same toilet paper that I used to blow my nose?

No! Some people would think that makes you a BETTER person for conserving resources.

Anonymous asked: I need a job. Can you hire me? A Plain Text document works best for an electronic resume because you can adjust the margins and formatting to suit the database or email system in which you are working. USE ALL CAPS for WORDS that need SPECIAL EMPHASIS. If you see anything you want to change, click the Edit button and fix the error.

Sounds like you know a lot about formatting your resume, but I might chill on the all-caps thing in an effort to come off as more professional. I can’t hire anyone, nor do I need to. As a matter of fact, I also need another job, so if you want to hire me, please do.

Anonymous asked: How do I get rid of a yeast infection in my armpits?

Wash and dry your armpits several times throughout the day. You can also use an over the counter antifungal creme, and take antihistamines to relieve the symptoms. There are also antifungal powders but I believe they’re to be used to prevent future armpit yeast infections. However, I am not a doctor so you might want to consult someone more qualified!

Anonymous asked: I love the internet and my bed more than anything else. How do I have a productive summer?

ME TOO. Depends on what you think is productive! I can be productive in bed doing art stuff on my computer, so that works out for me. If you’re looking to just get out of your bedroom and enjoy summer, it really helps to get up a few hours earlier than you would normally and go to the beach, the forest, to the lake- wherever you live just get some fresh air! Do things you, don’t usually do, and even if you don’t feel like doing anything, make yourself! You won’t regret it.

Anonymous asked: What is the dreamiest nail art design you could ever imagine?

jeans on my nails? or like, actually, mood nail polish for sure is my top choice. also hologram nails. DOES THIS STUFF ALREADY EXIST????!!!

Anonymous asked: When I was young, I remember reading graffiti that said 'I love open taco'. What do you think that means? Open tacos are messy in my opinion.

it’s always hard to tell with silly graffiti exactly what the person is trying to say, but my guess is that the “artist” was being literal.

Anonymous asked: Would one get in trouble if they accidentally barfed on a cop? I've wondered this for years, Internet Patti... Years!

Oh man, at first I was gonna say if it were an accident you couldn’t really get in trouble, which I’m sure is true, legally.. but I think it actually depends on the cop, who you are, and what kind of trouble you’re talking about.

Anonymous asked: Favorite pizza toppings? Sides to go with it?

fresh garlic, roasted garlic, olive oil, sea salt, fresh basil, various cheeses, red pepper flakes, green/red pepper, onion, cashews, arugula, kale, baby red potatoes. I don’t like too many veggies on pizza at one time or it gets too soggy (pizza soup). Eating salad with pizza is generally a good idea I think!

Anonymous asked: I was listening to nine inch nails the other day and it got me thinking... Is there really such as thing as a perfect drug?

No way!!

Anonymous asked: When I was young I didn't care for socks but now I can't get enough of them. I'm addicted. Is there a remedy?

Unless it’s having a negative effect on you or someone else I think that’s a perfectly fine addiction to have, and you can keep loving socks as much as you want!

Anonymous asked: Spit or Swallow?

I’m going to pretend that you could be talking about anything and say it depends on what it is!

Anonymous asked: Dear Internet Patti. Every time I squash a snail I am overwhelmed with a sadness that I have destroyed a snail and his home. For some reason I picture him set up in a little lounge with a little chair, smoking a little pipe, then I laugh, then I feel even worse for killing such a marvellous snail. Too much thought?

I think it’s fine! As long as it doesn’t ruin your day, I think it’s kind of cute /normal to feel bad. I’m sure the snail would forgive you.

Anonymous asked: Have you ever been inspired to fix/invent anything after an watching an episode of Macgyver?

I’ve never watched Macgyver, I’m basically completely out of the loop when it comes to pop culture because I just can’t seem to give my full attention to a tv show or a movie unless I’m in a theater. I’m always daydreaming. Not much of an inverter but I definitely like to fix things, and think I’m pretty decent at it (which may or may not be true..)